The Pain of Winning – The Reality of What it Took

So You Want to be a Fighter? The Pressure and Pain of Winning.

This a study of self. A piece that serves as proof that the outcome of life, all lies in the choices that we make; that we are not victims of our problems. That love can serve as a motivator or as a limiting factor, and that pain can play a detrimental part in success. . . just as much as failure. The choice is ours to make.

I believe that it is critical for every man (and woman) to use each and every one of their blessings to their full advantage, all without the fear of losing the attribute of a humble mind; to use every ill event to fuel their motivation, to use doubt as inspiration, and to use love as purpose.

winningYou will notice that this piece is written in a unique format, it is one from the heart; thoughts, modeled behavior and a real story for the human mind’s consumption. It is not a simplistic “5 Ways to Become Successful” kind of post, no key words or repetition to build better SEO or formatting to get the most views.

The purpose and inspiration behind this comes from the events which have unfolded in the past six months. Events of indescribable emotion, love, betrayal, sacrifice, and stubborn choice whose reasoning would take a book to analyze and explain. Instead, I am here to keep you engaged in shorter format.

The End as The Beginning

An insignificant fight was the most significant fight of my career thus far.

It was not because of the stage I was on, it was not because of the pressure I was under to win. Its importance came from the events I had to experience and the things I had to let go of in order to perform on this day.

Full Fight Video and Result (Turn to HD):

Bangla Stadium. Phuket, Thailand December 9th, 2016. Paul Namsaknoi (USA) vs Sam Sinbi Muay Thai (England)

Side Note: I don’t advocate for the the events held at Bangla Stadium as they are manipulated to bring in numbers through photoshopping of fake titles, lying about records, hiding information, switching opponents, and etc. which is excused as the norm. The reality is that this quality of work has kept it from ever becoming a highly respected arena. Other stadiums and events set a different standard, but after recovering from injuries suffered in my bout at Super Muay Thai coupled with the passing of the King, it was the first event to jump and put me on their card in the shortest amount of time. 

Where was I at the beginning of this trip. . . ?

At the peak of life thus far. [I say thus far as I know another peak is to come]

I was not only making, but saving up a comfortable sum of money. I began to see a great momentum shift with my social media presence and website. . .

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Quebec, Canada.

. . .I took three National Titles in every striking division within the US followed by a win on Lion Fight. I continued my travels from Canada, to San Diego, back to New York City, straight up to upstate New York to complete a weekend of filming; being asked to do multiple photo shoots and interviews was foreign to me as a kid who once lived above a police station in what you would consider a “village town” in Europe.

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It was a time where I ultimately gained the ability to see beauty outside of the endeavor that has kept the shutters on my eyes and heart. . . for what has been a number of years now.

I gained the support of my family for the first time since setting out on this journey  [My Lion Fight bout was their first supportive attendance of my 30 fight career]. I received the opportunity to take off to Thailand once again, to continue this dream chasing journey by hosting the Nak Muay Nation Training Camp and by competing on Buakaw’s Super Muay Thai Promotion in Bangkok.

Once you witness the beauty this world holds. . .

Once you taste the succulent achievement of something you have never imagined. . .

Once you realize that although it is rare, that there are people of your wavelength. . .

Once you feel your purpose deep down in your chest, once someone replicates your worth, in a way that enhances your current life. . .

. . .The standards are set. Life no longer holds limitations. Too many times were they proven false, and your passions proven true.

-Paul Banasiak

This is the point that I hit. Not everything was perfectly in place, as things rarely are, but the momentum was there from all directions. I began to experience things I knew come only once in a lifetime, things that not everyone has the opportunity to experience; all of which fueled the hunger for more. I was there to take advantage of the opportunities I have been blessed with; failing to do so would mean cheating those who have never had the chance [at least that’s how my mind transcribed it].

struggleHope and faith are easy to hold in such circumstances.

[Perhaps it’s why life begins to test our grip the second that we reach this stage in life. An examination of our resilience. Are we truly worth this?]

There were no arguments, there were no issues. My trip to Thailand kept everyone that was close to me in the upmost importance, my students, my significant other at the time, my family, and my coaches.

Each party appeared to agree that this trip was critical in reaching my full potential, that this time would never come again. My decision to make the advancement into the professional rankings was inevitable; this minimum six month commitment was presented to me to build the safety and confidence needed in order to be ready. It was a cold season of preparation.

Shackles. Preparation. Swim Baby Swim.

dark-skiesImagine having to swim from point A to point B. The distance is unknown, but it is something you have never done before, you fear it just as much as those who are concerned for you. If you decide to stay at point A, your soul withers away. If you make it to point B, you have the mind shifting experience to model to the masses, to your family, and lessons to pass down to the next generation of those you love.

The beauty you experience along the way can only be replayed within your imagination, but the change in character has its own outward appearance. People can read that you are different by simply looking into your eyes; those who look deeply enough that is.

Now imagine if you couldn’t practice this swim, if others said they support you, knowing where your heart and soul lies, but every time that you prepare to get in the water they put shackles on your legs. . . bound to theirs.

Bangkok. Go. Set. Were You Ready?

Here is where the core of the action truly begin. I totaled my car back home, taking this negative experience by paying off any limiting bills at home and coming to Thailand for an “x” amount of time as a result.

I trained full time, worked on the website full time, and released a high production three-hour video course with Sean Fagan containing thousands of words of ad copy on the week of my bout. I set out to fight on Super Muay Thai, a promotion that was to test my skillset to maximum against another foreign, and more experienced champion.

Highlights of the bout (For the Full Fight Video here is the link):

My relationship at the time was the first matter of importance that begin to take  adverse effect from this. As I am rather easy going, I can become acquainted with most people; everyone has a story and everyone has a philosophy on life worth sharing if you dig deeply enough.

With that said, although I welcome all ways of thinking and personalities, seldom do I find them connecting to my inner self, mirroring or at least complimenting of who I am. Most people can be stripped bare within minutes if you ask the right questions. A person’s dreams, goals, potential, and their we-are-not-the-samelevel of thinking is quickly apparent. But. . . those who have life experience, those who connect with me on a different wavelength. . . have layers.

I have feared no man since I discovered what true human potential really is. Women on the other hand, I fear deeply. Not in a way that cowers a man, but in a way that limits how many layers are peeled, and I hold many.

We all know that the energy a person carries around them will always infiltrate yours; often resulting in a subconscious emotional reaction. May that be motivation, sadness, insecurity, love, annoyance, fear, or a feeling that you can’t describe in words.

. . . my words, effortlessly, rhythmically, spewing from my lips what sounded like poetry.

Let’s cut to what happened.

Let’s look back at this fight. If you notice me press forward in the last 10 seconds of the final round (Full Video). . . my opponent bounces off of the ropes tucking his chin to avoid my straight. His forehead thrusts into my nose and orbital resulting in three facial fractures. After an x-ray and multiple visits I am told that I am in need of reconstructive surgery.

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I begin to contemplate what to do next. . .

My dream is put on hold, I cannot compete.

I have everything back home to come back to, however, as quickly as I begin to cheat destiny, just as rapidly I become stripped of everything that would stop it from happening. I never had a plan B. From studying elite thinkers, athletes, and their actions all I knew was. . .

“. . .don’t stop until the world has no choice but to recognize you, to separate you from the rest.”

For this one moment, I begin to think of the alternative. . . that I don’t really have to do this. . . for the first time I felt a sense of fulfilment provided by my family and by love itself. The first night that this thought crept into my mind was the night that it all disappeared. I was left with no explanation, at least not one that I can provide you with. [I aim to be as personal as I feasibly can to serve to the purpose of this piece without providing personal details in respect to those mentioned.]

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Once my family realized the one thing I would succumb to was gone, they once again challenged what I was doing [holding the shackles in hand]. A last resort to halt me from continuing on. The issue is that water was already around me, at six-foot-four. . . I was neck deep . . . and all I knew or can think about is how to keep swimming.

Do I mend my relationships back home? I tried. In ways I would never let these people know, the loss of my energy, time, finances, and soul was enough for me to take a deep look at what I deserve. I sit in my room with three facial fractures, a foot contusion that makes walking difficult, my support system no longer visible, and my original plan of building a professional record here being put on hold.

sean-laced-upI am alone. . . But I do have a paid ticket back home. . .

The man who already paid for my ticket back home as a part of my work for Nak Muay Nation suggested that I spend my last week on the islands to do a bit of introspective work. Sean (Fagan) suggested that I either go home or I do what no one else would choose to do. . . miss the flight and finish what really made no logical sense.

I left my sponsorship in Bangkok. I arrived on the island and I had nothing else to lose. I put my fight resume and story on the table in front of the legendary fighter and now elite instructor Namsaknoi.

The King of Thailand passed, this meant no fights for at least a month. . . with the choice of not getting reconstructive surgery, the recovery process would be quicker. . . just in time for when the fight ban is lifted.

I received the sponsorship [Namsaknoi Signs USA Boxer – Full Video], I omitted the reconstructive surgery in return for a shortened recovery time [and slightly shifted nose]. I stayed out of contact from everyone but Sean during this decision process. The ultimate decision had to be organic. . . it is not a commitment that you can make without feeling it in your chest.

sean-and-paul2

I spent the next few months living in the gym. A season of my life that I will document in more detail, but to keep it short and bring it to a conclusion, it was a time where I stayed quiet and let go of everything. It was a time where I begin to listen, where I forced myself to shut down everything in my mind to make it through the 6-7 hour training days and website work.

Coming Full Circle

All of this led to the significance of this insignificant fight.

I had to win. And it had to be flawless. This win came at the cost of my body and the left over pieces of myself, otherwise it would bear no significance. Just another fight among many. This was the ultimate test.

Fight Preparation:

Imagine asking yourself these questions, aware of everything that led up to this moment. . .

Did you conquer your demons to keep a clear mind tonight?

Did all of your sacrifices pay off?

Have you evolved in the least bit?

Are you ready for the next level?

Do you have what it takes to keep inspiring others?

Did the months off from sparring and injuries affect your game and timing?

I won. It was the answer to these questions. But as I write this, I now realise that I didn’t win at the point of when I got my hand raised. . . the win happened after one specific day in the gym, and at one point in the middle of the fight itself. . .

From my journal

“I lay against the wall with cold water running over me, on days like this it is a pleasant shock to my body. I feel disconnected, perhaps I signed up for something bigger than myself. After a round of antibiotics another infection hit my body. . . I am not recovering, these pills are draining me. .  . I know that my body is overtrained. I no longer do things on my own terms, my limitless thoughts and aspirations are to go on hold (only for this season of growth).

If I want to fight I have to continue. I washed the sheets three times this week sweating out a fever knowing that there is another day of training ahead. This is what I felt every day this week. . . but today is Saturday. I finished the hardest part without asking for a way out. . . from here on out my confidence grows.”

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In the fight itself I saw everything come at me in slow motion. I didn’t feel like I can be touched, I hit the openings on instinct. I notice that there is a unique  state of flow that we gain the ability to hit under the lights, it is somewhat of a trance. It has only happened to me in high pressure fights.

The first time that I have experienced this was at Madison Square Garden against the undefeated Jason Van Oijen – when he dropped from a head kick, you see me eyes snap back to reality, a delay to the realization of what just happened.

I didn’t realize what was happening until it was already over. . . the shutters came off my eyes, and I was no longer seeing it from what felt like a third person point of view. . .

. . . I know that the story has just begun. 


Proof reading this piece, if I didn’t know myself better. . . I would say that I’m on drugs other than the variety of antibiotics I was put on. I hope that those who have read this far took some perspective from it. I believe that we too often have a false perspective on our jealousy of other’s success and happiness, although I am blessed to be where I am today, it came at a cost.

I am still not done paying my dues, but the investments are beginning to finally show profit. Remember this when life hits like a motherfucker. . . most people stop, most quit. . .but you. . . you will soon separate yourself from the rest.

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11221999_10154213857213496_335673171183139079_n-300x300Paul Banasiak is a Muay Thai fighter/addict, 9x champion, trainer, and fitness professional currently living, training, and fighting in Thailand. After leaving medical school without looking back, he decided to fully follow his passion of helping others become the best version of themselves, creating MuayThaiAthlete.com. A website for those who are already passionate individuals that want to take their life,mindset&training to the next level. 

Today we begin forging our bodies and
strengthening our limitless minds.

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8 Comments on The Pain of Winning – The Reality of What it Took

  1. Amazing read, keep it up. What you are doing, and the way you document it, is so inspiring. Thank you for sharing some of the hardships you have endured, it makes your accomplishments that much brighter!

    • Thank you Cassie, it does have its unique sense of satisfaction at the end of each day. Knowing where we came from and what we have endured.

  2. Thanks for that insight, Paul. The path you chose to take is certainly not one that I’d be able to go down, especially when it all started with a wrecked car. It takes a special kind of person to turn the challenge of that kind of adversity into something positive and beneficial. Sure looks like you know where you want to go.

    • Thank you Art. It is refreshing to know that there are readers who take the time to dissect through the entire piece. You are on a journey that is unique to you as well, thank you for the continuous support my brother.

  3. Thank you for inspired me every day paul. I love your passion and love that you have chasing your dreams.❤️ I’m happy to call you hommie.

  4. These are the type of posts that seem increasingly rare in our “modern” media scape. I love to read the more in depth thoughts, feelings and experiences from people living completely different lives than mine. Especially when it comes to Muay thai. You are right in that you are inspiring, even if I do not aspire to the same goals as you. I love muay thai and I want it in my life for many years to come but as any other human I have bad days or weeks, get sick or injured. Or get stuck in a comfortable rhythm that keeps things going, but doesn’t really improve me in any significant way. During those times reading, watching or listening to your certainly does help. I had my first fight in a ring 2 days ago, while battling a severe cold and my favorite coach (the head coach) chose to coach her instead of me.
    It was a trial, but I learned a lot and did a lot better than I thought I would and than anyone expected of me. The head trainer later revealing that he wanted to make sure I was sufficiently pressured to find a new level, which I think he succeeded in.

    So now I’m on my sofa, sick as hell, not able to work but totally pumped to get back to my training. I’ll be traveling in a few days so I can’t go back to the gym for another week but I’m keeping myself occupied with all the excellent content you have put out too keep my motivation up.

    Thanks for your time if you got this far 😛

    //love
    Anna-Lisa, Sweden.

    • Anna, thank you for sharing your story and experience. It is not always easy to share personal details of ones life, there were moments where I wanted to keep this post as a journey entry for myself, but there come times like this that it may help to impact the lives of others; where they may be able to connect to the situation, to feel what I feel.

      It is inspiring to know that others are reading, and especially that it does have an effect, whether it is temporary or an actual change in mindset.

      Once again, thank you for taking the time to write this, it is my motivation to continue on this path.

      Paul

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